Something You May Not Know About Me.

Crying.  I hate it.  It messes up my mascara and it also makes me feel like I'm not as tough as I tell myself I am.

Seriously.  I am one tough cookie.  So much so, that after both my babies were born(via C-Section) the nurses would always ask me twice about my pain level.

Nurse: "On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst, what is your pain level."
Me: "Three"
Nurse:  "Are you sure?"

I would always think to myself.  No lady it is really at an 8 but I just don't want to burden you to give me another pill that will cost me an additional seven dollars. That's the going rate for ibuprofen these days, you know?

I have always had a high tolerance of pain.

I once broke my arm at a friends house when I was five years old.  We were really smart and thought jumping over a fence from the top of a slide was a good idea.  I was even more brilliant when I decided to try with an untied shoelace.  My friend's Mom had even pointed it out, but I didn't tie it.  It may or may not have been because I actually didn't know how to tie my shoe yet.

Anyway, I didn't tell my parents that I was hurting when I got home that night after riding my bike home.  I wondered why my right arm was feeling so silly with its pins and needles as I held the handle bars, but I never mentioned it to my parents.  My dad did ask me the next morning if anything was hurting and I think I said something like, "yeah my arms hurts a little bit." 

So, you get it.  I am tough.  I think I play the same games with my emotions.

But alas, I am a crier.  It usually comes when I am feeling spiritual.  I cannot get through church hymns without balling most Sundays.  But I also cry when I am exhausted, mad, or after tough stuff happens.

This happened earlier this week with the asthma attack a student had in class.  I was walking toward my friend's classroom afterward when she said: "Do you need a hug?"  I responded that I didn't because I would cry.  She then said: "It's okay to cry."  And then I was crying of course so I took her up on that hug.

I am slowly learning that it is perfectly okay to not be okay.  That is becoming one of my many mantras. 

So, I am a crier.  How about you?