I am often the first to admit that I ride a roller coaster of emotions.
The past year has been the six flags of my life. Let's be honest, the last week has been a ride. Coming back from an amazing vacation probably spun me into a bit of sadness. The post vacation letdown is real!
Arizona was dreamy. I was able to stay in a very gorgeous house owned by a very good friend's sister. Baseball made me very happy. Two games in two days was pure bliss. As I sat on the first baseline for the second game, I remembered something very important. Doing what you love should always be a good thing. If somebody sees it as silly or a waste of time, that is their thing to own, not yours. I won't mention any names because I am really trying to have a heart of forgiveness, but I heard "Sports are stupid" for a time and it threw me into a spiral. How could something that is so much a part of me and something that has brought me so much joy be stupid or a waste of time. This something also has paid bills for 24 years of my life. A passion I have has actually turned into my career. That isn't silly. So, I am deciding that not only my love of sports is going to be cultivated in my life, but again anything that brings me joy or happiness is going to be cultivated.
A few weeks ago, the kids and I went with a couple friends to another one of my happy places...
Having a pro hockey team here in Utah is a very cool thing. I wish I could afford to go more often but the fact that I can get 15 dollar tickets a few times a year is magical. E has truly found a love in hockey and it makes this sporty mom's heart very filled.
Here is a haiku I wrote this morning as I was writing after a bit of contemplation about life. I actually was sharing the story of Joseph and his brothers from the Old Testament of the Bible with my kiddos after I had done a little reading about the subject. The church I am a member of, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is reading the Old Testament together and the theme of the week is all about forgiveness. A really cool video about forgiveness that I watched and was touched by this morning can be found HERE. Anyway, Joseph was sold into captivity by his brothers, but later in the story forgives them. Forgiveness is an interesting subject to study and an even more interesting subject to dissect in our own lives.
I have been carrying a lot of anger in my heart about the situation I currently am facing. Little things that I would never imagine triggering anger do. (Like the check engine light that keeps coming on in my car every two months) Being the only adult having to care for the little things around the house(or big things) and in keeping the kiddos afloat in school and extra curricular can feel a bit overwhelming at times. I am often angry. I sometimes don't want to have a heart of forgiveness. I want to hold on to that anger. There is nothing wrong with being angry, don't get me wrong. Jesus even was angry outside of the temple as he threw the tables of people selling goods there. But...there is something that makes us stuck as we hold on to those feelings.
As we decide to give those feelings back to God, I feel that we can then free ourselves from being stuck. So, I am processing my anger and looking for possibilities. I am also in a sense looking for myself. Where is that Alice that existed before the stuck? That is my job to figure out now. This is my purpose.
Now, here is the haiku, sorry it took a few paragraphs to get to:
Possibility:
sometimes hidden in the shadows;
Cultivate the light.
I took a little searching jaunt through my garden this morning. We are definitely experiencing spring here, and I noticed quite a bit of possibility.
From new leaves on rose bushes, to sunflower sprouts, to Tiger Lily shoots, to one branch of blossoms on a dying plum tree, to baby leaf buds...my garden is demonstrating possibilities. The spring always gets me to contemplate renewal and brings me a whole lot of hope. As we approach this Easter Season, may we too find hope and possibility in the ultimate renewal. There is no coincidence that Easter comes in spring. The tomb opened bringing hope for eternal life. Spring is bringing a whole new hope for change and purpose as I weather my storm.
If you got this far, thanks so much for reading my silly little(or in this case long) posts. I think I will be starting up a haiku festival on my socials. I didn't make it though lent this year. My soul just needed caffeine and chocolate. I think I will embrace it. So, journey back over to Facebook or Instagram to join in the fun, or comment here what haiku(s) you would like me to write.
