May

Hi.  It's May.  I don't even remember the last time I posted so I thought it was about time. Life is good here.  Just living the dream as I always tell people when they ask me how I am doing.

Right now, I am taking a million pictures from my phone and getting them onto a flash drive.  It is hard work.  I figured, seeing that I am here in front of the laptop and Reuben has Ellis for a few minutes, I should write on here.  Don't you just feel lucky to be reading?  I thought so. And can you believe my little guy was this small?  I have a hard time believing it when I see all these old pics!

Work has been a challenge lately.  Okay, so Monday was a huge challenge, but the rest of the week seemed to go smoothly.  I guess we all have THOSE kind of days.

I hadn't slept more than about 3 hours(Ellis decided that being up from about 4:30 until mommy went to work was a great plan), Reuben and I were both exhausted so we were a little mean to one another that morning, and then one of my students was a complete, well I don't usually use the word that comes to mind, so I will let it go.

In twelve years working in my current position, I have never had to leave my class.  But in the mood I was already in, I was either going to call that girl the word that was coming to mind, or I was going to throw something at her.  Both of those options probably would have had negative consequences.  So, I turned to my aide and said "I am going to go for a little walk, I should be back in a few minutes."  Then, as I opened the door to go into the hallway, I lost it.  When I am mad, I cry and cry.  So, I headed to my office to embrace the coming breakdown.  I then texted my vice principal to let her know what was going on and she went and covered my class and then checked on me after that class.  I was a wreck, so after meeting with the principal(who was also concerned about me and encouraged me to take the rest of the day off and to go home), I decided to go home.

It is amazing what a good nights rest after a horrible day will do.  The next day was fine and the rest of the week went without incident.  Good times.

Other than that, I am just living life.  I work, I come home, I sleep a little, then I wake up and do it all over again.

There are only about 20 days left of school, but who is counting.  I am looking forward to being a full time mommy for a couple of months and having many adventures. As I was telling some friends last night, I like Summer Alice; I can't wait to meet her again. (And by the way, don't get me wrong, I really do love my job and am very grateful for it, but this time of year is what every teacher needs to be able to love kids again come August.  Just sayin')

What have you guys been up to?

Ellis' Eight Month Letter

Dear Ellis-

I cannot believe that you have been in my life now for eight months. It has gone so fast in many ways and in other ways still seems surreal that I have you. There were definitely many times in my life where I didn't even think I would marry and now look at me getting to be your mommy. 

You are a sweet little guy and everybody loves you. Your Papa always talks about how he will open his phone in the morning just to see a picture of you because you bring him so much joy. Mama also says you just make her so happy. You really have such a happy spirit and never are truly sad. You will only cry when you really need something and it doesn't take too long to figure out what you need. Sometimes you throw temper tantrums and arch your back or stomp your feet. It is probably a bad thing that I find said tantrums cute and sometimes let you grump a bit before helping save you!!!

You are getting to be very mobile. We call you the steam roller because you roll and roll and roll. You love to play with toys and especially like to use your feet to play.  You also throw or kick a toy away when you are bored with it. I think you will be a sports guy because you are so good at using your body. You also always want to be standing(either the person you are being held by or standing yourself in their lap). You also like to "do a little jig when prompted and will clap. You still love baths and will splash, splash, splash.

Reno is still one of your favorites and you like to roll to find him. We think Reno will be in trouble when you get the crawling figured out. 

You are quite a talker and still squeal through church. You will be saying words soon and we sometimes hear dada or mom. You click your tongue or fake cough to get people's attention. 

You are a very good traveler and made it to Phoenix  with very little problems. You loved playing with your cousin, Cade and also like your first baseball game. I was worried you wouldn't like the fireworks after because you freaked out inside of me last forth of July but you stared at th in wonder and loved them. 

You are very adaptable and are doing very well with wearing a helmet as we try to shape the top of your head from triangle to circle. 

You make fun noises and my favorite is when you breath very rapidly and tense your legs and hands. 

I had my first real crazy worry because you fell off the changing table the other day. I think I beat you to the ground and cried harder. Luckily, you are built too heavy and did a summersault and landed on your back not your head. We definitely must be much more concentrated when we have you up high. I was so worried you were hurt or permanently damaged that my lip quivered as I cried. I don't want you to ever have to have bad pains!!!

Life is so good with you and I really can't imagine life without you. You make me proud and happy and I am so glad to have the blessing of helping you grow into a successful young man. Thanks for already teaching me so much about patience and love and for showing me how to love life. 

Love you tons. 

Mommy

Reflections.

This time of year is extra hard.  Part of this has to do with the indecisive weather, part has to do with needing a break from work.  The children in my school are cray-cray and the adults are just as stir crazy.  This is where baseball comes in.  Baseball makes me happy and has made life more bearable. For my birthday,  I bought myself access to Major League Baseball streaming of the audio coverage of each of the games for a whopping twenty bucks.  This has been the best twenty bucks I have spent on myself in a long time.  Not only can I listen to my Dodgers, but I also get to watch one game a day for free.  Right no,w the Reds are playing the Cardinals in the background on my phone.  Heavenly.  

Lately, I have been doing a whole lot of soul searching too.  Recently, a co-worker's son passed away and I was able to attend the funeral, even though I didn't know him well.  This funeral, like many I have been to in the past, reminded me of how fragile life really is and how I need to be LIVING more.  This young man inspired me to remember to do the things I love more because he lived passionately.  Sometimes that means I have to make the time for the things I love.  One change I have done with that is to get my guitar out and in plain sight again.  I even have learned "Amazing Grace" which was sung beautifully at his funeral.  I also have remembered to ride my bike more and have plans to get it road ready to start riding to work after Spring Break(it will be warmer, I hope!).  He was an avid bike rider and I need to get out and feel the wind in my face more.  We bought a trailer to lug the kiddo around in and Ellis loves it so we will be doing lots more riding in the Ficklin family. 

I also was reminded how I need to be nicer and love people more.  Life is too short to hold grudges, be surrounded by negativity, judge people, and just be unhappy.  I am learning to let go of the unimportant things and to cling onto the things that do mean most.  

Reuben and this little critter means most these days.  And the people in my sphere need me to be a champion for them.  I am trying to be more positive and love those around me more because I am doing no one a favor by pretending to be small and insignificant.  I am important and I have talents to help people enjoy their journey here more.  

So...I have thought a bit about what I would want people to say at my funeral.  The young man's brother said in a tribute:  "If you take anything for what I say, know that he was a good guy!"  I want people to say that about me.  Well, at least that I was a good lady, that I would do anything for others, that I was always smiling and helped make people smile too.  That is what I want to be remembered for.  I want to someday be celebrated and mourned because it will be a while until those people who loved me can feel that from me again.  I want to be known as a kind soul who loved life. (Ellis is also a great example of this to me.  How fun that a little 7 month old can teach us things about life.  He's a happy little dude!)

Most importantly, I was reminded that this life isn't it.  We are connected and will be in each others' sphere on the other side.  This is all possible because our Creator is eternal so it is only realistic to think that we are eternal as well.  We will get to live on and how peaceful to know that it won't be as hard there for us as living in this mortal life can be at times.  And how nice it is to also realize that we can make our limited time here joyful, full and rewarding.  We get to choose to enjoy life!

Cheers to all.

37

How did I become 37 so quickly. I still feel like the young kid I was in college, high school and grade school. 

Here are 37 things I've learned:

1. Dreams do come true. 

2. Prayer is real and produces miracles. 

3. There is a God who knows us each individually and is watching out for us. 

4. Friends are very important. 

5. Happiness is often based on choices and a big choice is often to choose to be happy. 

6. Family is most important. 

7. The right thing isn't always the popular thing. 

8. There are no bad people, Well, at least most people do dumb things but I'm not to judge. 

9. Service not only helps those being served. 

10. Age is relative. 

11. Time does heal most pain. 

12. Life is too short to spend too much time agonizing over work. 

13. Fishing is relaxing. 

14. You can make a huge difference in your own sphere, which ripples into the whole world. 

15. Words are powerful. 

16. You always need mommy, even at 37.

17. Men and women are different, and that isn't bad, it is just how we can compliment each other. 

18. Teenagers are weird but really need us. 

19. Money is definitely not everything. 

20. Work is work. Sometimes it is hard but most the time it is rewarding. 

21. Food is essential and delishious, but can be like any other vice in the world. 

22. Home is whereever those you love are. 

23. Skype and FaceTime help home be anywhere and both ease homesickness. 

24. It is a blessing to have friends that you can connect with after years of separation and not miss a beat. 

25. Being a parent is amazing. 

26. Sleeping is helpful and needed, and should be appreciated. 

27. It can always be worse. 

28. I don't have anything to complain about. 

29. You cannot change or control people. 

30. Marriage is work. 

31. Slamming doors doesn't get you anywhere. 

32. Having your own house(buying) is pretty dang cool. 

33. The sunset is worth making time to see everyday. God is the best artist. 

34. The seasons will always change even when winter feels incredibly long. 

35. Living in the moment is how you should live. 

36. Babies don't keep. 

37. Love is always the right answer. 

There are lots more things I have learned in my 37 trips around the sun, but those are the ones that come to mind today. 

Here is to this trip around the sun being filled with adventure, happiness and lots of love. 

Cheers. 

Fat Tuesday

Hi.  Did you know that once upon a time, I was Catholic?  Yep, that's right, I was.  Around this time of year, the observation of Lent happens within the Catholic religion(and among other Christian Sects as well) and I actually like the whole premise of that observation and I still actually observe parts of it.  The whole object of Lent is to prepare oneself for Easter by fasting from something.  This observation happens during the 40 days prior to Easter with its beginning marked by Ash Wednesday, which is tomorrow.

Easter is actually one of my favorite holidays because we celebrate what Christ did for us and that is laying down his life so that we can be saved ourselves.  I like how Lent prepares us for that celebration and gets us more focused on religion and Christ,  so I have kept this part of my Catholic days with me.

This year, I am going to fast from Diet Coke, and candy.  (I have been toying with sweet treats and soda all together, but I am thinking that I would be setting myself up for failure.)  I have been having a major gluttonous relationship with candy and soda and I think the best way to cleanse myself from these bad habits is to take a break from them.

This year, I would also like to add a bit more to my observation of Lent rather than just giving up something and not thinking about much else.  I have been doing pretty well at my goal of reading The Book of Mormon again by the end of the year.  Maybe I will be adding some other study to the mix about Easter and the Life of Christ.  Any suggestions on what to study?

Well, I hope all is well for each of the five of you that read this blog.

Cheers.

Oh and Happy Fat Tuesday.  Basically, you run around doing all the things you plan to give up for Lent.  I may have a very large Diet Coke today and some Cadbury Mini Eggs(they are my favorite!)