Top Ten Tips to My Single Friends.

Most of you know that I didn't get married until I was older, which is more and more the norm in our society, but if you happen to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you may feel a bit of pressure to get married, especially if you are over 30.  I have been thinking lots about writing a book about some of the tips I would give for surviving your thirties as a single woman in the church.

Do you think people would want to read it?  Let me know your thoughts on this subject, and here is a Top Ten of ideas that may make my book:

1.  Love You
If you can't love yourself, I'm sorry to be blatantly clear, but people won't like you and seriously, men will never love you.  You must take care of yourself.  The love you have for you is reflected in how you manage stress in your life, take care of  your body, and how you talk about yourself.  Find time to relax, eat well and exercise often, and be positive when referring to yourself.

2.  Travel
You will never regret getting out and seeing the world.  And when you get tied down with the responsibilities that come with marriage, you won't get the chance to see the world, especially when you become a parent.  I am so glad I saw England, Scotland, and Russia.  I hope I will one day get to travel again, but for now road trips will be an adventure with kiddos.

3.  Do What You Like to Do
Don't sit around pinning about what you want your life to look like(the perfect little house, with a perfect little yard, with a perfect husband and six children).  Get out and do the things you like.  First, get educated and get a good job.  Work in a field that fascinates and stretches you.  Do something you love to do each and every day(if you are able, do 20 things you love to do!).  Doing things you love make you happy and happy people are very attractive and desirable.  Finding purpose in your life is the best give you can give yourself and to anybody who will come along to woo you.

4.  Be Open 
Get out of your shell of safety a bit.  Be open to do things that aren't easy and may not be exactly what you like.  This will open many doors to you and you will learn lots about yourself.  Be open to experiences in the dating world too.  Date and date and then date some more.  Never, ever say no to a date offer.  You limit yourself when you aren't open.  You may often overlook guys based on what they are into or by what you assume they are like.  Realize that you will never ever find the perfect man, he does not exist.  But you will find the perfect man for you.

5. Be Less Judgemental.
People are not perfect.  Not all people are like you.  Not all people will like you.  It doesn't matter.  LOVE THEM ANYWAY.  Women are tough on each other.  Quit it.  We are on the same team.  Build instead of knock down.  You will find that you can be friends with anybody and it is important to have a wide range of personalities in your friend sphere.  Different views can help you make better decisions and treat people better.  Again, there are no perfect men either and many by our age have a slew of issues.  I am not saying to not judge righteously but I would have never dated Reuben, if I judged him based on the things he did the ten years prior to us meeting.

6.  Be Spiritual
God wants to lead you on your journey.  He also wants to comfort you and knows all your challenges. Pray, read the good word, and have faith.  Without faith one is lost.  When you are in tune with the spirit, you will be able to make wise decisions and you will also be happier.

7.  Find a Good Support Network
You may live alone, and feel alone, but reach out to others.  Find places where you can find good friends and treat your friends well.  Call them, invite them.  You will sit around a long time waiting for their calls and invites.  Do it!  Learn how to communicate your feelings too because that helps so much in relationships and hello, friendships are relationships!

8.  Be Financially Responsible
Don't be afraid to invest your money.  Real Estate is a great investment.  Do not be afraid to save your money and buy a house.  Homeownership is amazing and you aren't just throwing your hard earned money away to a landlord.  I wish I had done this before I was married.  Also, get good at taking care of your money.  It is a great thing to keep you free from the bondage of debt and will help you when you do get married.

9.  Be Healthy
Now, many people have a hard time with this one.  I am not implying that you become what I refer to as a skinny mini, but it is important to be at a healthy weight.  I am not there now and I hate it because I just don't feel good.  I am tired, emotional and can't do things I like to do.  Learn to eat healthy and also to move more.  You don't have to run marathons, but you should be moving.  Walking is an easy way to get exercise in; everybody can walk!  A body in motion stays in motion.  A body at rest tends to stay at rest.  When people quit moving they quit doing good things, and you have lots of great things to do.  I also hate to say it, but guys are physical beings.  No matter how we try to change them, they notice our bodies first.  I'm so sorry for that, but really this matters!

10.  Be Happy and Don't be Offended Easily
I am sorry to say this too because I have heard a few people get offended by this. You choose to be happy.  Yes, you may have an issue that needs to be addressed with medicine, but really you have a lot of choice in this.  Pessimists die sooner than optimists.  It is proven through science.  Happy is attractive, just sayin'.  I hate when Reuben is down.  It makes clouds surround all of us.  And with offense, which I added because being offended makes you unhappy.  Holding grudges doesn't punish other people, it punishes you.  Get over stuff.  The more you get offended the more you block off people and experiences.  Quit it!

Me Monday

So, do you know me well? 

Could I actually stump you with anything?(I know I threw somebody a little with my tiring of hamburgers!)

Here is a fact about me that you may or may not know...

I LOVE cemeteries.  I always have; it might have something to do with the fact that my dad always took me to the Memorial Day Program.  I don't see cemeteries as scary or weird places(of course I don't hang out in them at night, either).  In fact, I actually find them as very peaceful and calm places. It's almost as if they are places where there is a quiet waiting going on.  See, to me, cemeteries are not the end of this journey we call life, but actually just a little step in the journey of eternity.  We don't end at the grave.

Last week in my class, they had us write about what our last words would be and I had a very hard time coming up with anything because really, when I die, it won't be the end, and I won't be saying last words and really I also think that we should be too busy to worry about coming up with something profound to say at the end.  Our last words really come from what we do and in the person we are becoming through our experiences.  It's how we live our life that matters. 

That's where the peace in the cemetery comes from for me.  Sure, death is sad but really it is sad because of missing people, but really we will see those people again.  This silly life just can't be "it" for me.  It is too full of pain and sorrow to be "it."  Don't you think?

I took a fun little walk in a cemetery today and saw some cool things.  I thought I would share some pictures of my walk.  I did write a little poem too, but it isn't finished yet, so you may have to wait until Writing Wednesday for that!  Enjoy your little virtual tour of The American Fork City Cemetery:

I always am reminded of those who sacrificed so much for our freedom

On a day when somebody would be laid to rest, I was reminded how short this life really is. 

I was also reminded that we are all pioneers. 

This garden was so peaceful and I felt the importance of knowing Christ and his role in eternity!

I hate seeing babies in cemeteries. 

Cemeteries are beautiful!

Tears rolled out with these signs. 

Well, next time you need some peace and quiet may I suggest a cemetery walk?

(Another thing you may not know about me is that I have a very hard time spelling cemetery!)

Friday Fun posted on a Saturday.

We wrote about a food memory first in my class yesterday.  I like what I came up with, what do you think?  What is a memory you had with food.  I really enjoy comments, so if you have stopped by take a minute to tell me.  Happy weekend to you, too!

“What the hell is this?” I exclaimed after the waitress set down a bowl of what looked nothing like I had ordered.

“That’s chili, Rita. It’s what you ordered,” my roommate answered as if I may have forgotten what I actually had ordered and as if she were trying to calm me.

“Oh,” I mumbled as I added a few crackers still a little confused by the plain bowl in front of me. The look on my face must still have been shock because my roommate then said, “What’s the problem?  Never had chili before?”

“No, I’ve had chili before, just not this kind of chili, does it have a special name?”

“No, it’s chili, plain and simple.”

Plain and simple was right.  That was not chili to me.  The chili my mom always made for my family had macaroni in it.  She had a talent for chili and it has always been a favorite of mine.

            

I told my roommate that it was different than what I was used to and I described what chili was to me.  “Basically the same,” I said, “but with kidney beans and noodles!”

            

“Oh, you mean chili mac.  That’s good too!” 

My whole world was shattered in that moment.  Chili Mac?  No…Chili.  That stuff here was just boring.

            

I still break out my mom’s recipe on occasion but to avoid confusion when I invite my friends over, I change the name.

           

“Wanna come over for some Chili Mac?”

           

Throwback, Throw Away!

So, looking back to college when I took my Poetry Writing class, I have some pretty bad memories.  My professor was brilliant.  He was a great poet, but he didn't teach me a whole lot except that I wasn't very good at writing poetry(he was probably trying to make me a better writer, but all the criticism just make me feel inferior).  But today, I wrote a poem in my class and I find it good and creative and I actually think I am good at writing poetry again.  So, take that!  I am throwing back to those memories, but throwing away the baggage that has haunted me since! What a great release.

You can find the picture below HERE

OUR MOON; THE MOON

We don’t worry about

            Saturn’s 63 or Jupiter’s 47

We know our moon.

            THE MOON

We speak of the moon hitting your eye,

            We Sing about Blue Moons,

We nursery rhyme about cows jumping over it

            We consider the man in the moon. 

We know our moon.

            THE MOON

Our moon doesn’t need a fancy name like

            Titan or Triton because

We know our moon.

            THE MOON      

Writing Wednesday

Today was really a day full of writing and it was awesome.  Writing makes me feel alive and full of purpose.  Today we did a "walk and write" during my writing class.  Basically, you take a little walk around a place, in our case American Fork, Utah, and then you sit down somewhere and write for ten full minutes.  The whole idea is that you will be inspired by something you see along the way.  We started our day out at a little hole in the wall place for breakfast, called Tangie's.  It was full of character and many characters.  It was fun to sit there for an hour and eat both food and eat in the atmosphere.  It was also nice to chat with my fellow class members and get to know them better.

I wrote twice during the walk and write and this is my favorite of the two.  It is dedicated to my sister, who will celebrate her last day of work for the school year tomorrow.  She is my hero, and whenever I see keys, I think of her and a dream she once had. (Sorry if the details aren't perfect, Andi.  I may have created a little of the tale to have it fit here!)

It's an interesting thing that a common object can be lost in the big that surrounds us.  Key are pretty simple and we really don't give them a whole lot of thought until a problem with them arises.

"Crap! Where are my keys?" is a common anxious outburst as we are running late.  And vulgarity rings from lips when one has just realized that they have locked their keys in their car or house.

A feeling of trap ensues as you sit on your stoop, very glad that you at least have your phone in order to call on the saving grace of the Bilco Key Guy.

To me he is an anchor, a savior so to speak, just as the dream my sister had about keys was an anchor to her.  See the kids she raised were a source of much anxiety and worry, just like you or I may experience as we look for our lost keys because, like our locked door, her kids were locked and she searched for years to find the key that would open their issues to help them find success in functioning in society.

Just like the wall of keys I just saw at the lock and key store, millions of keys were falling from the sky for Andi.  She panicked as she tried to open the locks surrounding her but soon realized that as long as she kept trying and searching for the right key, she was bound to find the right one.

Maybe, in life, the key doesn't have to fit the lock, maybe there really isn't only a single key or way that will work but we all have to have faith that somewhere there is the saving answer to issues just like there will always be some lock guy who's able to come and save the day.

Seeing those keys was a great reminder of Andi and her superpowers as a mom and as a woman who isn't perfect and doesn't have all the answers but is finding her perfect ground by not giving in. I am so blessed to have her in my life to show me that brave is the only way to be.