Writing Wednesday

Here is my polished poem that I published for my class anthology:

Cemetery Contemplation 

by Alice Ficklin

I sit feet away from a baby girl

Who died about three months before I was born.

I wonder what she would have been like today.

            Would we have been friends?

I sit yards away from an open tomb

Expecting its occupant’s arrival today.

Whose partner has waited nearly thirty-three years

To meet his sweetheart again.

I wonder what that reunion would be like today.

            Would seeing their glorious reunion bring comfort to the broken hearts of those who lost Mom, sister, or grandma?

I scan the hundreds of faded, weathered and worn headstones

Each of them representing a person,

Each a person who was important to somebody.

I wonder if the memories of those lost begin to also fade with time.

            Will I one day be forgotten?

I see flowers and trinkets

On or near many of the markers

Only the most recently erected have such tokens

I wonder about those who surrender these momentos.

            Will their giving hearts ever be mended?

I realize that this sanctuary is for us; the living

Here we come to remember and to reflect.

This spot is not for them; the dead are not present.

I wonder if they ever look down on their own graves.

            Would they find our gatherings and rituals strange and unnecessary?

I notice walls surrounding this memorial

A separation allowing us to leave our world behind for a moment

A holy site giving solace from problems, worries and cares

I wonder if everybody feels this peace within the walls.

            Are these bricks enough of a separation for all?

I feel the stillness

As I contemplate my purpose here on this planet,

The fact that I too will one day die

Leaving this world and all my earthly possessions behind

I wonder what I’ll see as most important on that last day.

            Will I be scared?

I reflect on what is truly significant

The flowers and trinkets mean nothing to the dead

But the people who visit matter

I wonder who will visit my future grave.

            Will they know I loved them enough?

Top Ten Things I Have Learned from My Writing Class

Not sure all of you know, but I have been in a writing class the past few weeks.  It is called The Central Utah Writing Project Summer Institute.  It is aimed at teachers to become better writers themselves and to also help those teachers use writing more effectively in their classrooms.  I will be honest, I came to this class for very selfish reasons.  I am a writer(it is one of my big passions) and I wanted to get myself to be a better writer and in turn get closer to being a published writer.  Well, that is definitely happening, but I think that this class is making me more passionate about teaching and about getting my students to write better.  I think it is making me a better teacher.  Crazy!

I thought I would use today's Top Ten Tuesday to tell you all about what I have learned in this class.

Top Ten Things I have Learned in My Writing Class:

1.  I am a WRITER.  
I knew this before, but I really am becoming more confident in my writing and the passion for doing it has been ignited within me.  I used to be very afraid of sharing my writing, but now I am actually wanting to share it.

2.  I learn more about teaching from other teachers.
Teaching is an amazing profession.  It is a very hard profession, but it has the potential to change the world because we, as teachers, touch the future everyday though our students and what they can become. In class, we have had the opportunity to present a problem we have faced with writing in our classroom.  In each of those presentations, I have learned something about my own teaching and my classroom.  I thought I would leave with the answer to my big question about one of my writing assignments that I had presented in my demo less, but I have come away with so many more answers and ideas to use in my classroom.

3.  You can make friends at any time of your life.
Two weeks ago, these eighteen people were strangers, but now I consider all of them my friend. Lately, I have felt like I don't have a whole lot of friends that I hang out with and that may be true, but friendship is morphing as I get older and as I have different things going on in my life.  I need to realize that I need to reach out more and find ways to have more friends and have opportunities to interact with people.  People are awesome!

4.  We are writers.
If you speak, you are a writer.  Writing really is just talking to paper or to a computer screen.

5.  I am doing a good job at teaching.
We are all guilty of second guessing ourselves and I do this all the time as a teacher.  I feel like I am not good and that I am not teaching my students anything.  The truth is that I am doing a good job and need to get over my thoughts about my inadequacy.  I think one of the most important things about anything we do is that we are trying to get better and I am getting better year after year!

6.  Mr. Brewer was wrong.  Dead wrong(no pun intended)!
Mr. Brewer was my poetry teacher in college.  He ripped apart my poetry.  Those little red lines were like the blood of my heart flowing as he broke it.  I told myself that I sucked at writing and that I didn't have a knack for poetry.  That was wrong and I am rising above.  In fact, one of the pieces I am working on for this class is a poem.  Take that Mr. Brewer! (And seriously, I never was really mad at the man, he was only trying to help me be better.  He has my complete respect.  May he rest in peace!)

7. I need to write everyday.
In order to be a writer, you have to do it everyday.  That means I need to make time for it.  Just like I exercise my body(or need to more) I also need to exercise my writing muscles in order to become better at it!

8.  Writing is a BIG part of who I am.
Writing is passion to me.  It is a big part of who I am.  I am so glad this class ignited the fire inside me to be creative and working on getting better at writing.  I am so thankful for this!

9.  Revision is important and doesn't have to be punishment.
I think I have been afraid of revision in the past.  It really has felt like punishment to go back and re-read what I have written.  The best part about this is that when I do go back, I see that I have talent and there are always things to add and change to make my writing better.  GO!!! REVISION!!! GO!!!

10. I need to be a part of a writing community.  Networking is key.
I need to find ways to be around other writers on occasion.  It has been so helpful to have my little writing group in this class to help me with my writing.  They see things in my writing that I don't see.  They have suggestions that I would have never thought of.  I am definitely going to keep many of these people around to help me be motivated to write and to become a better writer.  I LOVE THIS!!!

So there you have it.  The past few weeks have been so big in my life.  Maybe you should think about what your passions are today.  What things makes you happy when you do them?  Think about it and then do it.  And do it everyday!  Do it multiple times a day!  This life is much too short to miss out on the things that make you truly happy.  I expect some comments about what you plan on doing today and what you love to do!  If you write it, it becomes reality!

Three Whole Years...

Three years ago today, I married my best fishing buddy.  It is crazy how fast three years goes.  We talked about that last night and how it just flew by like that.  I really did luck out in the husband category.  Reuben is kind, generous, cooks, cleans, is an amazing dad, makes my life easier(just like he promised) and loves me no matter how grumpy, emotional or hard to get along with I can be!

Aren't we just so cute.  We stopped at Rushmore on our way to Wisconsin in July 2012.

I decided to write an acrostic poem to celebrate us:

Team Ficklin

Three years go by so quickly together,
Eternally connected to
An amazing, amusing, affectionate
Man
Funny fishing buddies united
Interesting, entertaining, hardly serious
Conversations while
Kindly ignoring some politics
Living, loving, laughing, learning, polishing
Inseparable
Now and forever, teammates!

Being married to Reuben is truly an adventure and I am loving the journey.  He is my rock, my biggest supporter, my silly man, made me a mother and made this cute family with me! I am so glad I got him.  He was definitely worth the wait.

To my baby that wasn't meant to be here.

I wrote this letter a few days after i miscarried. I write letters to Ellis every month and I found it therapeutic to write this letter. I'm going to publish it on the day I would have been due with the baby I lost. It just seemed fitting that he/she should have a letter from me too.

Dearest Baby Angel-

We were expecting your arrival in June 2015. It was pretty early on in my pregnancy but we had decided to tell a few people. I was so scared when I started spotting last week and it was worse because I just kept thinking that something was wrong and that I would lose you. I am so glad I had told people because each and every one has reached out to me with kind words to comfort me. 

I lost you on Saturday the 8th. Exactly 4 months before my 38th birthday. It was horrible. I said, "oh baby" many times during the night as I bled and bled. 

I guess you are just too good for this harsh world and that God needs you for some more important work elsewhere. Your dad and I talked about it and we know without a doubt that one day we will get to meet you, and I am promising that I will take you in my arms and make up for the lost cuddles we missed out on here. The past few days as I have rocked your older brother, I have thought about you and often wept. 

We didn't get to know you but do know that you were already loved by parents who wanted you so very much. We prayed for you often in the past six weeks and were excited for you to join  our family. 

Things always happen for a reason but that doesn't make hard things any more easy. I'm sure with time the pain I'm feeling will subside but know you will never be forgotten. 

Love you much. 

Mommy

Fun Friday

We don't get a whole lot of time to fish lately because of the wee one(we worry he will jump in!), so we decided that we would go on an adventure to celebrate our upcoming anniversary.  This happened Saturday, but I figured it went with the Fun Friday theme.

Lake Selfie

Us.

I'm so glad I married my best fishing buddy and a great cook.  Here he is harvesting crawfish for a dip we ate on Father's Day.  Delicious.