Zarah is 4 months!!!

Dear Zarah-

Where have the last four months gone? You came at the beginning of summer and it's now fall. Mommy has been back to work for two months already. I thought time flew fast with your brother but it seems to be even faster with you!

You are beautiful. People tell me this all the time but I have always known it. As I write this, you are laying in my arms asleep. Your little face is so cute and your soft snores calming. Sometimes you smile and laugh while asleep like this and I often wonder what you are dreaming about. I know it just isn't about your short time here, something whispers to me in times like this that you came from a heavenly place and we were together long before these moments. I'm so glad we are together again!

You are a wonderful addition to our family. You love all of us. You laugh at your brother and are often interested in whatever he is doing and he truly adores you. He stares at you when he sits next to you and the following picture took about 20 tries to get!

See how he stares:

You love daddy and mommy too and get very offended whenever we walk away from you. You love your swing during the day with daddy but always want me to hold you while sleeping when I'm home. 

You are rarely sad and almost always smile when we talk to you. You are just so sweet and calm. The only things that bug you are wet diapers and cold milk. 

You have started to play with toys and grab things. You also can now be in your Bumbo at dinner. 

You are definitely the best center piece anybody could ask for. You already are excited about real food and drool and drool as you stare at whatever we are eating!

I love you so much baby girl. I must now go stare at your face because what they say is true "babies don't keep!"

Zarah is Three Months

Dear Zarah-

Well. I blinked and three months have gone by. As I write this, you are peacefully snoring at the foot of my bed in a Boo outfit from the Monsters Inc. movie. Man, you are adorable. 

You have grown so much. Not sure how much you weigh(you have your two month appointment tomorrow...I guess we are behind in both letters and getting you to your pediatrician appointments.) You are a great eater, even if you still are getting used to having to eat from a bottle now that mommy is back to work. 

You are thankfully one chill baby. You hardly ever cry. In the middle of the night, you only grunt to get me up to feed you. I think the only times you really cry hard are when I've let you wait too long to eat, your bum is dirty or wet and if you miss your parents. 

You are silly too. You have a fun little personality. You are always smiling and already laughing on purpose. You make noises to get attention and are trying but really hard to blow raspberries. You love to be held but are okay in your swing and car seat. 

You think your big brother is hilarious even though sometimes he startles you because he thinks it's hilarious!

I'm so glad I get to be your mommy and to watch you grow. It will be so fun to see you develop. I love you, Sweet Lady!  

Sleep well tonight and thanks for the peaceful calm that comes with those sweet little snores. 

Love,

Mommy

Three Years

Dear Ellis-

Today you officially turn three. What a wonderful three years we have had together. It is hard to believe you are already three, but it also feels like I blinked my eyes and poof, you're three. It seems to have flown by, yet I cannot remember life without you. You are so much a part of me and who I am. Our family often revolves around you. 

You might be a little spoiled, but I don't think it is damaging you too badly. You had a great birthday party in Wisconsin a little over a week ago. You loved being the center of attention. Your birthday cake was made possible by my aunt Linda and cousin Shannon. They made it a custom Thomas the Train cake. It had five glow in the dark mini trains. It was so colorful and delicious. You loved it and told Papa you were eating his cake!!! Always a tease!

You played all afternoon with my cousin's son, Crane, who is only a few months older than you. You both play well together even if you sometimes fight. You played with my other cousin's daughter's dolls and stroller for much of the time. The rest of the time you were chasing each other and squealing outside. 

Grandma Sue has always spoiled you and she was the one who thought we should have the whole family over to celebrate your birthday and meet your new baby sister. It was a very fun day. 

You are always loved by everybody you meet. You are one of the friendliest kids I've ever met. You say hi to strangers. I always wonder if I should step in and have the stranger danger talk with you but I feel I also don't want to stop you from loving and respecting all the humans you meet. It is one of your characteristics that I often find myself wishing I'd be better at myself. As an adult, I am often more judgemental and shy. 

You have been loving our visit to Wisconsin. You have played so hard that you often are asleep by the time we get back to Grandma and Grandpa's house. You love your cousin Chloe and all of her cousins too. They all know you, which again surprises me because I barely can recall any of their names. You have been playing lots with their toys, which are often girls toys, but you haven't been ruined by society's expectation that you only should play with cars and balls. In so many ways you are not trapped in a box of expectation like us adults are. You are still excited about the small things we often take for granted. 

I laughed as you ran through the Salt Lake airport saying things to the other travelers like: "look another airplane!" and "I'm riding on airplane today!"  I like to watch how other people react to your enthusiasm and how most of them smiled and laughed as you quickly whizzed by them on your way to see more airplanes. I think we were all reminded that it actually is a pretty cool and amazing thing to be able to travel quickly around the world thanks to airplanes. 

I am very tired lately(parenting babies is hard work)and I often feel like I am bad at giving you all the attention you need, but you don't ever love me less. You always need a kiss on your skinned knees(you got a doozie while out to dinner the other night) and will always take a cuddle as you drift off to sleep. You are a sweet little boy and I love being your mom. 

May you always find awe in the small things and be looking for adventures daily(you said: "I want to go on adventure" every day that Andi and Grandma were with us visiting after baby sister was born!). You will always be my little Bugaboo. I always learn more about life and living through your little eyes than I am teaching you. I love you and hope this year is a great one for you. May we fill it with adventure and awe. 

Happy birthday, my sweet boy! I love you!!

Mommy. 

Zarah's Birth Story

Wow.  It has been over a month since this little bundle of joy joined our family:

We sure do love our new addition.  She weighed in at 8 lbs 3 oz and was 19 and a half inches long.  She is doing so well and is growing so much.  I constantly am reminding myself to hold her a bit longer and stare at her face to remember exactly how it was in each moment.  It seems like she already has changed so much.

Well, here is the story.  I had planned on going all natural this time(just like I had with E-Man too), but I quickly was reminded that I am not always the one in control in life.  At my last appointment with my midwife group, they were a bit concerned about the fluid levels around baby Z.  So, I was instructed to go have an ultrasound on Memorial Day, which I did.  The numbers were lower but not quite in the worry category, so they sent me home and wanted to check again the next morning.

My mom flew in that night and we picked her up and then enjoyed wings at our favorite place with a few friends.  The next morning, Mom and I headed for the hospital.  I felt in limbo because, who knew what was going to happen?  I also kinda had an inkling that the numbers were going to continue to go lower.  With E, that happened as well.  What is up with my babies losing their liquid the last week?

So, the news was that baby Z was going to have to come via C-Section.  My favorite midwife, Claudia, was on call that day and she is just the sweetest. She gave me a hug and we discussed why this was the best option because we were most concerned with baby's wellness.  It wasn't my favorite news.  I had been ready for my natural birth.  Now, that is something that will never happen.  See, once you have two, you have to always have them.

So, again, Mom and I ventured back home.  We had a few hours to prepare for getting to the hospital and finding a place for E to be while we had the baby and the first night.  It really worked out well to have my Mom here, because she was able to stay with E the first night and then Reuben joined them the other few nights I was at the hospital.

We had to be at the hospital at about 4:30 for all the prep.  Both our babies would be born at American Fork Hospital, just a few blocks away from the American Fork Temple where Reuben and I were married a few years before.

We checked in, got all the IVs ready and waited for go time.  The C-section was scheduled for 6:30 and time flew.  Before I knew it, Claudia was again with us.  And she wanted to talk.  It was 6:15, by the way.  She said something along these lines:  "Before we head in, Alice, did you know you are actually having some pretty regular contractions?"  I was not aware actually.  Nice, no?  "So, what do you think?  We actually could try to get you moving along and try a vaginal birth.  Should we check to see how progressed you are?"

My mind was in a thousand different places.  I could have the birth I had hoped for, but I had also been prepared all day to have a C-section.  So, we checked.  I was at about a one.  I looked at Claudia and thanked her for fighting for my cause.  If that number had been a five, I might have been more convinced to try it.  But a one?  I could be in labor for 18 hours and still end up with the emergency C.  It was 15 minutes before go time with surgery, too.  I was disappointed not to have experienced a natural birth, but things happen the way they do for a reason and in the moments that Claudia was talking about another option and checking my progress, I just didn't feel right about it all.  Who knows if it would have been horrible or not, but I chose what I chose.

Earlier, I had mentioned to Claudia that I wanted a different experience than I had had with E's delivery.  I hated my first C-Section, mainly because he was born and then I only got to kiss his face and didn't see him for a good hour after birth.  I wanted skin to skin contact ASAP.  Claudia told me that lots of things had changed since E was born and that I could have baby Z as quick as a little assessment.

At 6:51 p.m. on June 1st, Baby Z entered this world.  She was taken to the corner of the operating room and after a tense moment of not crying, there she was, screaming.  I was in tears and so excited to meet her. I had to keep telling myself that she would be with me soon and that Reub was with her because mama bear mode set in and I wanted my baby NOW!

Reub brought her to me a few minutes later and I was in heaven for the next several hours.  That baby did not leave me until about one in the morning when Reub got to wash her hair in the sink, in my room.  They even did the bath part with the nurse in my bed on a towel.  Things really had changed since E was born.  The hospital was very focused on making sure mom and baby had as much time skin to skin and together as possible.  They even encourage moms to have babies in their room and only babies being medically tested, or taken care of were in the nursery.

I was in the hospital from Wednesday June 1st through Sunday June 5th.

This may not have been the way I had planned for this birth, but I have a healthy little miracle at home with me now, and that is all that matters!

Zarah One Month Letter

Dear Zarah-
Hello wonderful daughter of mine.  This is the first letter I will write to you in your life and definitely not the last.  I promise to write a letter every month of your first year.  As I have proven with your brother, after that it is kinda random.

You are such a fun baby.  Before our eyes, you are growing and changing everyday.  This week you seem to be getting thicker.  Not sure that makes sense but it seems like you are getting wider.  You are also changing in your face.  As a friend said yesterday, "she is getting her own look."  She meant that you are looking less exactly like your brother, Ellis and more like your unique self.

I am knocking on wood as I say this but you are a good sleeper.  For the first couple weeks, we partied like rockstars from midnight to six in the morning, but now you are sleeping at least five hour stretches at a time during the night.  Thanks for that.  Your older brother never did that for me. He was only sleeping two hours at a time for a long time.  So, really thanks.

You are getting more and more interactive.  In the last week or so, you have started to smile.  You also will make a coughing noise whenever I do it to you.  You and I both find it very funny.

You love to bounce and cuddled.  You are learning to love your swing.  You still love Coldplay and lately Kelly Ripa's voice as Aunt Andi and I are watching that show in the morning.

Your brother adores you.  He loves to check in on you often throughout the day.  He gives you sweet kisses on the head and toes.  He finds it funny to have you kick his head while you lay on Mommy's bed.  He counts "1-2-3, Kick baby, kick!"  It will be so much fun to see how your relationship with him grows through the years.  I am hoping and guessing you will be the best of friends!

I love your sweet little face and am so excited to be your mommy.  We are going to have tons of adventures together.  May I always remember your little toes, your sweet little smile, and the peace I feel when we rock together.

Until next month, I will be enjoying our sweet moments.
Love you,
Mommy.