Crying. I hate it. It messes up my mascara and it also makes me feel like I'm not as tough as I tell myself I am.
Seriously. I am one tough cookie. So much so, that after both my babies were born(via C-Section) the nurses would always ask me twice about my pain level.
Nurse: "On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst, what is your pain level."
Me: "Three"
Nurse: "Are you sure?"
I would always think to myself. No lady it is really at an 8 but I just don't want to burden you to give me another pill that will cost me an additional seven dollars. That's the going rate for ibuprofen these days, you know?
I have always had a high tolerance of pain.
I once broke my arm at a friends house when I was five years old. We were really smart and thought jumping over a fence from the top of a slide was a good idea. I was even more brilliant when I decided to try with an untied shoelace. My friend's Mom had even pointed it out, but I didn't tie it. It may or may not have been because I actually didn't know how to tie my shoe yet.
Anyway, I didn't tell my parents that I was hurting when I got home that night after riding my bike home. I wondered why my right arm was feeling so silly with its pins and needles as I held the handle bars, but I never mentioned it to my parents. My dad did ask me the next morning if anything was hurting and I think I said something like, "yeah my arms hurts a little bit."
So, you get it. I am tough. I think I play the same games with my emotions.
But alas, I am a crier. It usually comes when I am feeling spiritual. I cannot get through church hymns without balling most Sundays. But I also cry when I am exhausted, mad, or after tough stuff happens.
This happened earlier this week with the asthma attack a student had in class. I was walking toward my friend's classroom afterward when she said: "Do you need a hug?" I responded that I didn't because I would cry. She then said: "It's okay to cry." And then I was crying of course so I took her up on that hug.
I am slowly learning that it is perfectly okay to not be okay. That is becoming one of my many mantras.
So, I am a crier. How about you?
