Flashback Friday: Menacing 30th Birthday

           Turning 30 was hard for me. I felt that I was officially becoming old. I was single which made the transition even more difficult for some reason. Looking back, I realize 30 isn’t old and there is nothing wrong with a person who happens to be single and 30.  The more birthdays I have, I realize age is just a number and numbers are often relative. 

To avoid feeling pathetic back then though,  I decided that turning 30 would be much more enjoyable away from the land of “single over 30 makes you a loser.” So, my roommate and good friend, Mary Beth and I hightailed to San Francisco, the land of “nobody cares that you are single and over thirty!”

It was on this trip that I fell in love with cable cars, Alcatraz, The Golden Gate Bridge, sesame cookies, Chinatown, and Redwood trees. 

There is nothing better than a city where you can get anywhere you really need to by hanging out of the side of a cable car, feeling the balmy air through your hair, enjoying the bells of the car and clammer of the underground cable, captivated by the skill of a gripman, who carefully maneuvers the car up and down the slopes of San Francisco. I have since been back to SF a few more times and I seriously could ride cable cars all day and be content. In fact, one day I did just that, while the group of friends I was traveling with went to Alcatraz(I had been twice and didn’t feel the need to go that day!). 

As I am now mothering two little humans, I travel a little differently.  Sometimes I mourn my single days and wish I had cherished the moments a bit more. Maybe not the moment that Mary Beth and I realized the beach we were exploring was in fact a nude beach(some moments need not be cherished) but the other moments like the ones I feel I may have wasted by worrying about being judged for being single or the moments I pinned for the whole not being single anymore. 

I turned 44 this past Monday. Funny, that turning 44 didn’t make me feel old. Life often seems to be getting better and better with age. I know who I am, what I want, and what I can say no to. Aging is truly liberating. 

Whatever spot you are on the age timeline, may you take a step back and reflect on where you have been and more importantly on where you are going. Make each moment one to be cherished and enjoy the journey. 

Age is just a number after all. 

The Man. The Myth. The Legend.

     Writing Wednesday is a place for me to write whatever I want to write.  

    There are only a few conversations I have had in my life that I actually remember them word for word.  The following conversation occurred between me and my Father-In-Law, Perry Ficklin, a few years ago, just before BYU was to play Wisconsin in football:

Papa:  Wisconsin is coming to be beat by BYU in a few weeks.

Me: I heard, think you can score me a couple tickets? (He was the king of getting tickets to BYU games.)

Papa:  I could, but not if you are going to cheer for Wisconsin and wear RED!

Me:  Hmm.  What if I wore some blue?

Papa:  It can't just be blue, it has to be the right kind of blue and have BYU written on it.

Me:  If you get me tickets, I will wear something BYU.

Papa:  I guess, but I'm still not happy about it.

On game day, I went to visit him in his usual seat at halftime, wearing my red Wisconsin Football shirt and a newly purchased royal blue BYU hat.

My friend, Kari and I.  Notice the blue and red!

Me: Hey Papa.  Quite a game, huh?

Papa:  You still cheering for that other team?

Me:  Maybe, but I feel bad for your blue team and I do have the BYU hat so I can cheer both ways.

Papa:  I guess that is okay, sweetheart, but that hat isn't too much blue.

Papa in his happy place.  Lavell Edwards Stadium

    Papa passed away on February 11th, just hours after I visited him wearing  a BYU shirt and that same BYU hat.  I whispered in his ear the following as he rested peacefully under a morphine dose:

Me:  Papa, we both know I hate the Cougars, but I, from now on, I will represent them always.  It's okay for you to go Papa, you have taught me so much.  I love you.

    Papa was a true legacy of faithfulness and kindness.  He was a friend to all and will be sorely missed.  He truly was Papa: The Man. The Myth. The Legend.  Which was written on a shirt we gave to him for Fathers' Day a few years back.

    May he always be our angel now and keep us safe.

Low-Tech Tuesday: Books

   Tech Tuesday is a place for all things technology.  Here we will discuss both low tech and high tech thing-a-ma-jigs.

     I am a book lover.  I am always reading one or three books.  With the push towards online learning this year, my students have gotten really used to doing everything on their Chromebooks. I feel we have traveled far away from the beauty of books.  

    I just love the feel of books in my hand.  I like that my own kids know I am reading at home and can pause at any moment to give them attention(I don't think the same feeling happens when scrolling on my phone, even if I am reading a book on it.).  

    Here is how I always plug how amazing our textbook is when we are in Health class and using the book.  (I have used my current read Drink, Slay, Love by Sarah Beth Durst for this demonstration)

                                                               To Power On:  Open book:

To Zoom In:  Move book toward face:

To Zoom Out: Move book away from face:

To Scroll:  Turn page:

To Power Off:  Shut book:

Sometimes, low-tech is better, no?

Chromatica by Lady Gaga

  Media Mondays is a place for all things media.  From social media to news media, music, movies, and art we will cover everything concerning creativity and communication.

Photo found HERE 

You have to be careful when you say you are a Lady Gaga Fan. Like, this "lady" wore a meat dress one time, right?  She has been the champion of rebellion and out there fashion.  What most people dismiss because they can't get past the not so normal fashion and different that is Lady Gaga is the fact that she is mega talented.  She is a master of the piano, can play the guitar(and probably lots of other instruments), and has also written most of her own music. And if you haven't seen how she dances while preforming, you are seriously missing out.   Basically, she is a super genius and like most people who are geniuses, they may seem a bit weird, but who decides what normal and weird are anyway?

     Lady Gaga is an advocate for all things different.  She has not always been Lady Gaga, she was born Stefani Germanotta in New York just shy of 35 years ago.  She began playing music very young, learning piano at the age of 4 and she hasn't stopped creating and playing music since.  She studied music briefly at New York University's Tisch School of the Arts.  The persona of Lady Gaga was created to escape reality and to create one hell of a show.  If you were to run into her on the street, you may just not recognize her.  In a documentary I watched about her, she drove past a school and said something along time lines of: they probably don't even recognize me driving past, I'm just a crazy old lady to them.  

Lady Gaga at VMA Awards 2020
Photo found HERE

Gaga's first album was released in 2007 and she has released a total of six studio albums.  The most recent was released earlier this year and I have been obsessed with Chromatica since I first discovered it(I had missed the release train by about two months).  I have always liked her music, yet I haven't always loved every bit of it.  But, on this album I do not skip any of the tracks.  Gaga has said that Chromatica is like a three act play, divided by instrumentals, and that each part is a different stage of her healing process as she has overcome mental illness and a sexual assult of the past. The inspiration for the name of this website actually came from  "Alice" on the album, but my favorite song lately has been "1000 Doves."

    Chromatica took about two and a half years of collaboration and work to produce.  Gaga said in the Apple Music interview that she hopes to one day "dance with people to this music...and dance through all the pain." This record is for us, her fans, just as much as it was a healing project for her.  She also said the album is a way for us all to "connect from afar."

Here is a little tour of Chromatica through my favorite lines of each song:

Chromatica I

1.  "Alice"

"My name isn't Alice

But I'll keep looking, I'll keep looking for Wonderland...

Set me free...

Could you pull me out of this alive?...

Where's my body? I'm stuck in my mind"

    Here, Gaga is speaking of being stuck in her mind.  She is stuck within her mind and feels her body is lost.  She isn't Alice but she desperately wants to find wonderland: a place of safety and freedom.

2. "Stupid Love"

"You're the one that I've been waiting for

Gotta quit this cryin',

Nobody's gonna heal me, if I don't open the door

Kinda hard to believe, gotta have faith in me"

The opening to this song seems to have some dual meaning.  Sure, it could be a romantic love that you open yourself up to and that love can heal you, but it also mentions the fact that the door must be opened and the faith has to be in oneself.  Maybe here, self-love is the love that has been waited on.  Before you can heal from something traumatic you must let the negative thoughts go and love yourself in order to heal.  We all could use some of that "stupid love," and faith in ourselves, no?

3. "Rain on Me"

"I'd rather be dry, but at least I'm alive

Rain on me"

    In her Apple Music interview, Gaga said that dry could have a few meanings.  Dry could mean dry from the tears that have frequently been shed.  It also could reference the alcohol she used to cope for so long.  Sure, you would rather be dry, but at least you are alive and surviving.  And let the tears fall, bring it: "Rain on Me!"

    And another line that I love is: Hands up to the sky, I'll be your galaxy, I'm about to fly, Rain on me, tsunami"  I just love the poetic beauty of that part.

4.  "Free Woman"

"I'm not nothing without a steady hand (I'm a free woman)
I'm not nothing unless I know I can (I'm a free woman)
I'm still something if I don't got a man
I'm a free woman"

    The whole idea here is being a free woman.  Having a steady hand, check.  Know you can, check.  And realizing you are something even if you don't have a man, check.  That makes you a free woman.  

5.  "Fun Tonight"

"What happens now
I'm not okay
And if I scream, you walk away
When I'm sad, you just wanna play
I've had enough
Why do I stay?"

    This song is pretty autobiographical and about a former relationship Gaga had.  He loved the paparazzi and she felt like a prisoner because of the fame at times.  Apparently, this guy couldn't handle the real part of Lady Gaga( or shall we say Stephani G?) and he isn't around anymore.

Chromatica II

6.  911

"Turning up emotional faders

Keep repeating self-hating phrases
I have heard enough of these voices
Almost like I have no choice
This is biological stasis
My mood's shifting too manic places
Wish I laughed and kept the good friendships
Watch life, here I go again...

My biggest enemy is me
Ever since day one
Pop a 911
Then pop another one"

    This track is all about mental illness.  I love the opening and the rhythm and poetry of it.  Then how hard it is to admit that sometimes we are our own worst enemy.  And for some people, pills are needed to help, just like 911 helps in an emergency.  Brilliant song.  I love the rawness and the honesty.

7. "Plastic Doll"

"Don't play with me, it just hurts me

I'm bouncing off the walls
No-no-no, I'm not your plastic doll...

Am I your type?"

    Dating is not cool sometimes.  I. Do. Not. Miss. It.  Sometimes there were games and I did feel like I was a plastic doll, just like all the other dolls, or at least trying to be like the rest of the dolls.  The game eventually either went on or ended with "Am I your type?", if not then on to the next doll in a box.

8.  "Sour Candy"

"I'm hard on the outside

But if you give me time

Then I could make time for your love

I'm hard on the outside

But if you see inside, inside, inside"

    Sometimes we are sweet, sometimes we are sour.  The outside of us can be sour and sassy, but if given time to show it, sweetness can prevail.  Reminds me of a lot of the people on this planet, sometimes you just have to be patient and wait for the gooey sweet soft middle to show.

9. "Enigma"

"We could be lovers, even just tonight

We could be anything you want
We could be jokers, brought to the daylight
We could break all of our stigma
I-I'll be your enigma, even just tonight"

    Reality needs imagination and play at times.  The idea of just having one night to be anything you want is cool, no? And the word enigma is super cool: mysterious, puzzling; sometimes we need a little mystery.

10.  "Replay"

"I don't, I don't, I don't
I don't know what to do, you don't know what to say
The scars on my mind are on replay, r-replay
The monster inside you is torturing me
The scars on my mind are on replay, r-replay-ay-ay"

    How often do the scars we carry get stuck on replay.  There are monsters all around and we just get stuck.  Another part of the song says: "Every single day, Yeah, I dig a grave, Then I sit inside it wondering if I'll behave."  These replays can feel so binding, like the grave and we often dig that grave ourselves as we dwell on past scars.

Chromatica III

11. "Sine From Above"

"I heard one sine from above
I heard one sine from above
Then the signal split in two
The sound created stars like me and you
Before there was up, there was silence
I heard one sine
And it healed my heart, heard a sine"

    In a few of the interviews I have watched where Lady Gaga explains this song, she mentions how sine has to do with music.  When we hear sound it actually is these sine waves that are regular and can be graphed.  Music is math, which is great news for all nerds.  And music heals hearts.  Music can be the best therapy we can have.  So listen away!  Yay Science!

12.  "1000 Doves"

"Lift me up, give me a start

'Cause I've been flying with some broken arms
Lift me up, just a small notch
And I'll be flying like a thousand doves"

    When we have pain, we feel completely broken inside.  The symbolism here is awesome.  We cannot lift ourselves when we are broken and trying to fly with broken arms.  Somebody lifting us gives us just the notch we need to be flying like 1000 doves!  Another line I love is: "I cry more than I ever say."  It is hard to be vulnerable while we are hurting and admit to how much we really do shed tears.  We worry somebody will judge us like in the first few lines of the song: "I need you to listen to me, please believe me, I'm completely lonely, please don't judge me."  There is a stigma of weakness around crying and loneliness that we all need to get over.  True healing is found within tears and within support.  It is also science.  Our tears contain toxins and stress hormones that we release through the emotion of crying.  Yay Science, again!

    Gaga said of this song on her Apple Music Gaga Radio show: "I used to skip it every time I listened to the album and it was because it made me too sad," and that she thought "it's one of the saddest vocals on the record."  I can feel that sadness but this track has really been the most powerfully healing song for me of late!

13. "Babylon"

"We only have the weekend

You can serve it to me, ancient city style
We can party like it's B.C.
With a pretty 16th-century smile"

    This song has a early Gaga sound and it references ancient history.  I think this album was a process  Stefani Germanotta had to go through in order to get back to herself and to process things. "Babylon" is like original Gaga that hasn't been around as much the past few albums.

     I'm so glad she put this process to music to share with us.  I have turned to certain songs in hard times and it has brought healing tears.  

    Some may still think Lady Gaga is different and that is wonderful, we sure need different people in this world to be creators and healers.  I am honored to be a Lady Gaga fan.  Stefani Germanotta, you are wonderful just the way you are and keep doing what you do to make this planet a little more bearable, kind and fun! I cannot wait to one day dance to all this music with you.  Anybody hear Vegas calling?  I sure do.

Flash Me Back...Friendship

  Flashback Friday is a place for all things reminiscence.  Flashbacks can be personal recollections or they can also be looks back to the “Good Old Days” of our collective past.

    

    Do you know Marla?  She is one of my dearest and oldest friends(no she isn't old, but she has been around a long time.)  You really should ask Marla about how we met, because I forget everything, but I think it was in one of our classes at John Muir Middle School in Wausau, Wisconsin.  I was a geek and said ridiculous things.  Marla was more cool but laughed at my ridiculous sayings.

    Marla has been one of my favorite traveling pals for many years.  The picture above is from a road trip we took to California.  Road trips have been a staple in our friendship.  Marla would often fly out to visit me in Utah and then we would drive to Wisconsin.  We had so much fun it should be illegal.

    Time with Marla is always easy and fun.  We can talk about so many things and have often been known to stay up until the wee hours of the morning laughing and chatting.  Even if we haven't seen each other in a very long time, it is like we have never been separated. 

    Here are a few of my favorite pictures from our wonderful adventures:

Here is Marla sledding in the middle of the night on one of our Christmas-time adventures in Wisconsin.

Taking in a Milwaukee Brewer game.

And a Green Bay Packer game!

Walking across The Brooklyn Bridge in New York.

Hiking to the Arch in Southern Utah.

Exploring Bryce Canyon in Utah.

    Since Covid has hit, traveling is out of the question, but as soon as this crazy time is over, Marla and I are planning another adventure, aren’t we Marla?

And for the time being, I am just going to sit here and smile as I think about how wonderful a life-long friendship truly is.  And I am going to publicly thank Marla for having my back and making me laugh for over 25 years.  Cheers to us! (and thank heavens I couldn’t find any real old pics of us!)