Truths from 2023

 This is Day Four of 30 Days of Writing that I participated in during January of this year.  The prompt was entitled: Truths of 2023.  Basically it was about what we learned during the past year: 

Mom and I Summer 2019

Grief comes in waves.  Out,  like the ocean and you go about life like normal.  In, like the family photo at your Cousin’s wedding and you realize it is the first photo without mom in it.  The first trip back home without her there. A blank spot, a lack of warmth, a missing face, an empty chair; silence.And then out again, enjoying time spent with family, us still the same.  Being there for my own kids and working at a job where other Mom’s kids need me…I still need my mom too! And in again, working on my photo journal and finding the last picture I took of her, hugging my kids, thinking it’s just “see you later” again, because she HATED goodbye.  Not knowing it was really goodbye and really the last hugs.  Just like the ocean, grief has its calming and relaxing moments mixed with the raging waters and the high winds of a hurricane.  Balance…will I always be searching for it?  Luckily, storms are temporary and so are the waves of grief.

Writing Again

 Hi.  During January, I was a part of a writing group called " 30 Days of Writing Community for Utah Educators."  Each day I received an email that contained a writing prompt for the day.  

I have deemed this year "The Year of Writing,"(which I alternate with "The Year of Reading") so when I heard about this program I signed up quickly.  I have struggled with motivation to do anything the past year and a few months.  Grief with do that for you, I guess.  So, I find it fitting that I share this post with you all first.  The prompt  was about creativity and where you find the inspiration to be creative.  This is what I wrote:

"Creativity

Buried beneath my cold grief

Or it’s cremated?

I have kinda felt unmotivated to create of late.

Maybe it is grief.  Maybe just laziness.

This week it is sickness.  

But I like the haiku I just wrote above.  I like the whole play of words like bury and cremate.  Both death words and related to my mom’s passing.  I really just have coasted at times through things.  I find myself staring at walls or distracted in other ways.  Words seem to escape me.  Silence ensues.  An existence that is narrowed and pale.  My mojo also buried with her in that little  tiny box within a tiny dug hole.  What did I bury with her?  What died with her?  A little bit of my hope.  A little bit of my drive.   A little bit of my motivation.  A little bit of my voice.  Sometimes I feel like I am just going through motions.  Existing.  The pandemic started this process and her passing pulled the rest of the plug.  Ugh."

Writing regularly surely gives more opportunity for writing gems to be created! Glad I wrote that day and made a nice haiku!

As always feel free to interact with me through comments. What did you think about this writing? Any advice for how to improve it? What is your favorite part? Here is your chance to be a literary critic! :)

The Lame Electric Holiday Letter

 Happy New Year From The Ficklins,

It seems that the world has gone digital this year.  I am not sure I like it.  Mainly, because I am a huge advocate of physical letters, of actually sitting down with a piece of paper and writing with a nice Frixon Erasable Gel Pen.  There is something about the actual forming of each letter, and having a personal message written to each person.

But here I am writing an electronic holiday greeting.  I think I have become too lazy and unwilling to be that old school person I claim to be, even if now the oldies station is playing the music I listened to in high school, which was made apparent when I got into my Dad’s car at the airport in Green Bay, Wisconsin this last September.  “Sweet Child of MIne,” by Guns and Roses never sounded as sweet as when I razzed Dad about listening to the music he had to “clean out of his speakers” after I had driven his car as a teenager.

The year has flown.  It has been filled with a mixture of emotions.  I am human after all, which I reminded my son of the other day when he claimed to be “emo.”  Apparently, it is still weird for a boy to feel any other emotion than anger these days.  He is a sensitive type and was thinking he was weird because of the emotions he feels.  Human, this is what we are.  So, if you too feel overly emotional at times, remind yourself that you are human and it is okay to be.  

My sister and I were chatting a few weeks back and we concluded that our grief kinda blinded us during Christmas last year and we don’t even remember much of it.  I am pretty sure I was on autopilot the whole year after my Mom’s passing.  And unless you have experienced such a loss, you probably don’t know exactly how you go through a rollercoaster of emotions almost on the daily.  It has gotten better and I feel like I am getting to a point of not being on autopilot the majority of the time, but again grief comes in waves and on occasion I am still hiding in my office at work and being a grieving human all over again! 

The Ficklins had a good year. The biggest thing was the new RV we purchased in October.  We love our new 19’ Go Play Bunkhouse.  In the month an a half we had it before having to winterize it, we got out five times.  I dream of spring and the futute adventures every time I look at the camper under it’s cover in our driveway.

Reuben is still working at Glass Images doing stained glass.  Glass Images keeps him busy with all the Temple windows for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and his company gave him a very generous bonus this Christmas because he brings so much revenue to the company!  He also sold many of his famous nativities, both at my school’s Christmas craft fair and by word of mouth.  

Alice is still working at Independence High School as a Health and Physical Education Teacher. Her side hustle of selling used bikes has paid for a few concerts this past year(Kelly Clarkson, and P!nk.)  She is happy to not be busy with Dean of Students duties this school year but was glad to serve in that capacity last year when it was needed. She also was honored to present at The National Alternative Education Conference in Florida this past October.  Hopefully, her presentation on her school's bike shop will encourage other teachers to build one in their school.  She read 40 books this past year and will get a 50 dollar gift certificate to her favorite local bookstore, Pioneer Book.

Ellis, 10, finished the 4th grade and is loving 5th grade.  It is amazing how a great teacher can make all the difference for a kid and Ellis’ teacher is perfect for him.  We rarely hear “I don’t want to go to school” and that is pure perfection.  He is enjoying Junior Jazz basketball this winter and is a White belt with four stripes in Jiu Jitsu.  He is always entertaining us with his knowledge of everything, especially Japan, and everything on the world atlas.

Zarah, 7, is in 2nd grade and still loves school.  She has added Hip Hop to her dance routine beside ballet.  Her recital in December was wonderful.  She is still learning Spanish and loving it.  Her favorite present at Christmas was roller skates.  Her new roller derby name is Honey Comb, because if you can skate you, need a derby name(she has a very large, bright orange sweatshirt that has a honey comb on it!).

Rozz, the dog, is still a good pup. He loves the snow and it actually gives him zoomies quite often in the winter. He loves walks and treats and just being with his pack! He does not love his new sweatshirt that he got for Christmas, though:

We are looking forward to many more adventures in 2024 and wish you all the same.  May you have a wonderful year!

Love,

The Ficklins

11 Years: That’s Crazy.

 I wrote this a few weeks ago, on our anniversary, June 22nd, while at Reunion Day for The Central Utah Writing Project:

Today is my 11th wedding anniversary. Forever is a long time yet with each passing year, the two of us often look at one another and say: “Crazy. It’s been this long.”

Reub’s my eternal fishing buddy. I knew he wasn’t one to “catch and release” the day he took me fishing and I never touched a hook, worm or fish! That’s my kind of fishing.

We still go, just not as much with two full-time jobs and two full-time kids. Now, he gathers tackle boxes, lures, line and rods, while I gather kids, toys and snacks… oh, and a book! I am more a fisher of words, these days, rather than gills and fillets.

But,  shore lines are still magical. The land met by cold lapping water. Water just waiting to have a smooth flat rock skipped across.  My son will spend hours doing that.

The warm sand invites holes to be dug and castles to be built. Make-believe kingdoms is where my seven year old daughter will spend hours today. 

Warm sunshine and blank paper are all I need as  I watch my favorite fishing buddy cast with professional form. Haiku are easily written about his checkered shirts, stones used for Carnes and skipping, and kingdoms where princesses are still normal and not followed around by paparazzi.  (And occasionally about zombies.)

Moments, and a little Seaglass, are collected. Seaglass can create an amazing mosaic of world history, but these moments are creating a beautiful mosaic of my eternity. This wonderful Ficklin team is more magical than any lake. Happy 11 years to us! :)

Let's Talk About Side Hustles

 Hi.  Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what I will do next in my life.  I love teaching, do not get me wrong, bur there is going to be a day when I am no longer doing it, more than likely in nine years.  (I am shooting for 30 years)

I have a list of things that I have thought about doing with my life after teaching.  

1. Get a Master's for:

    a. Social Work

    b. School Counselor

    c. Technical or Copy Writing

2. Work as an embalmer with my sister who has thought about being a funeral planner.

3. Greet at Walmart

Of all these options, the greeting at Walmart seems to be what I would like to do.  You have no work to take home and you don't have to deal with dead bodies or snotty kids.  Plus, I wouldn't need to pay more money for a degree I would only use for a while.

Of course, just saying "Hi and welcome to Walmart" seems to be a little boring after the twenty plus years in a job that you never know what will happen next.  It is quite exhilarating never having a repeat day and that whole standing at the door day in day out, hour after hour would be a let down for me. 

But really, I love working on bikes and I have recently decided that fixing up on bikes and making them rideable could earn me a little extra cash on the side for the time being. 

Reuben got me a new to me bike stand for my birthday.

Here you can see how easy it makes working on bikes.  This is Z's last bike.  With a tiny amount of work, a new saddle, and two new grips, I think I can sell it for about 40 bucks.

I also have four other projects after this one:

An old Giant mountain bike.  It will need a little elbow grease to rid it of rust.  A new chain, new shifters, and a new saddle are the big things this bike needs.

An old GT mountain bike.  It needs new grips and shifters, a new saddle, a new chain and a bit of mechanic magic.  I am hoping to get a little money out of both of these in order to get the more new project bikes.

There is also another mountain bike I can sell pretty easily without much work.

These bikes all came from the yard of a friend of a friend and had been sitting there for a long time.  

But there was also a very cool find from that pile of rust and pieces:

I am guessing this bike is from the 1970s.  It is a Raleigh Grand Prix road bike.  It has the original Brooks saddle from England, which has survived the weather surprisingly well.  Or maybe it isn't so surprising.  These saddles are the best, from what I have heard and I have thought about getting one but they are expensive.  They are probably worth the money seeing this one survived through sun, rain and snow for many years.  

This bike will probably be my next big project for me to ride for a bit before I choose to sell it.  It just looks like a very fun bike, and will make an interesting talking piece.  

Side hustles.  The in-between before the next big thing.